Fear

I haven't blogged in a while. Partly because I am lazy, partly because I am busy, and partly because I try to go deep on this blog and I haven't been willing to go deep lately. So here are a few updates.

I bought a fireplace and stone surround for the corner of my family room. The good news, it was on sale. The bad news, I have a lot of work to do before I can install it. I think this fireplace might be the cornerstone, no pun intended, of the entire room! I better take my time and do a good job. I am meeting with an interior designer from Home Depot to plan out my kitchen next Tuesday. A lot is happening in a quick time frame. I also went to a lumber yard to size up the header I need to knock out my kitchen wall. This last month has been nothing but planning and shopping, I can't wait until I can finally do work again. Luckily, it is warming up so when I do start working, it is nice outside :)

My roomate Dave got a job in Milwakee, and therefore he moved out last week. He didn't move out entirely because he applied for a job in St. Paul, which he would rather have. So he will be in limbo until he decides which direction he wants to go. I am fine with it because he plans on visiting the cities, and when he does he will live with me :)

I realized that I am afraid of failure. I realized this when making plans for the house. I don't want to do anything until I know how everything is supposed to go. This can be good, but it means I am going very slow on the house work. I think this is because I don't want to do something and not like the way it is. This can be good, but in my case I take it to the extreme. Some things come together as you go, and if I am not going they will never come together! It is quite the conundrum. I am overcoming it by moving forward and not being afraid to make a mistake. The mistakes I will make will not be severe, and really they are just a matter of opinion. The mistakes I will make might not be mistakes for someone else. It is a bizzare thing.

It is not just house work where I fear failure. Every faucet of life I fear failure. I stick to the rules, for most things :), because I fear failure. Most of the time it is good to stick to the rules, but for some things we need to go against the grain. We need to be individual. We need to be ourselves and stick out a little. If we all stick to the rules, we are all just a bunch of rule followers, and we are all the same.

The beauty of God's kingdom is that it is diverse. There are many differences, and that is a testament to how far reaching the gospel is! We are not made to fear being different, if that is who we are. It is good to stretch ourselves out to where it is not known and safe in order to see God more clearly and see ourselves more clearly. I guess what I am saying is that I don't want to live in a box. I want to take chances. They may or may not work out, but God is faithful even through our failures. I don't know, maybe that is just my youth clawing to stay alive, or maybe that is a calling from God. I guess time will tell. As for now, I will stay alert for opportunities to express who I am and not who culture tells me to be.

One Love,
Danger