Zeal for your house consumes me

During lunch at Chipotle today, I read John chapter 2 where Jesus turns over tables and clears out the temple. I read it quick and felt like I didn't get anything out of it. It bothered me that I only spent a couple minutes in the Bible, when I could have spent more. I felt like it was wasted, but then I dwelt upon the verse I did read a little more.

"Zeal for your house consumes me."

This scripture passage used by John from Psalm 69:9 kept running through my head. It made me think about what consumes me. I was a little saddened because I am not nearly as zealous for God as Jesus demonstrated in the temple. I seem to always revert back to a comfortable place where I have my job, my house, my girlfriend, my family, and my friends and I feel safe. Then I enter a dangerous place where these things are enough for me, where I do not want more from myself or for my life. I have my routine and I stick to it.

It seems as though Jesus didn't have this luxuary. I get the impression that Jesus held everything very loosely except His Father's will. Even His relationship with His mother is held loosely. When told about His mothers' arrival, Jesus said that those who do His Father's will are his brother, sister, and mother. This is a rather peculiar way to welcome one's mother. I imagine it is similar to when Jesus tells us to hate our parents for the sake of the gospel. We are not to hate our parents because that is one of the commandments, but rather it is a comparison. I don't think Jesus disrespects his mother, but compared to His Father's will his relationship with his mother means nothing.

I don't hold things loosely. I like to cling to them and find comfort in them. I should be doing that with God alone. It is good to have nice things and things of comfort, but like George Macdonald said, "It is good to have shoes, it is better to walk without them."

If I am perfectly honest, I don't feel as though I am being materialistic or unhealthy in my relationships with people. These things are as they should be in my opinion. Rather, my relationship with God is not as strong as it should be. God is not always on the pedastal. I like to take Him down and put other things up. I don't think I need to lessen the other things in my life, rather I need to increase the God in my life.

I may be walking a fine line of words here however. We are to take up our cross and follow Him daily. This means killing and hating the things that deter us from that goal. We are to kill our old self and things that hold us back from the Father's will. Like when Abraham began to covet his only son, who was a promise from God. God told Abraham to kill that son whom He had given to him with a promise. The goal was to loosen the grip Abraham had on this child. Abraham placed Isaac above God on his pedastal.

Maybe I do need to loosen the grip I have on the things in my life. Maybe only through this loosening can I hold on to Him tighter. Maybe once I let go of the other things and grap on tighter to God, the other relationships I have will become that much stronger. It is strange the way things work sometimes. I guess at the bottom of all of this is the desire to have the same zeal that Jesus did for His Father's will. I want to be able to lose everything and still praise God and live a joyful life. Joyful being the key word. If I lost everything I had right now, I would probably go into a depression or at least a resentful hatred of those around me. I need to be at the point in my relationship with God, that if everything is gone I have lost nothing. I have a lot of killing to do before I can get to that point, figuratively of coarse :)

What a blessed place that would be. I would not be controlled by the man, or by the powers of this dark world. I would not be phased by trials or hardships. I would not be motivated by money or power. I would live a life in harmony with those around me not caring what they cared or thought about me. It would all be out of love. I would not fear the unknown, but walk humbly with my God. I would not try so hard, but I would rely on the power of God. Oh, what a beautiful place this will be. Would God give me the strength and wisdom to get there.

One Love,
Danger

Clay in the hands of the Potter

I am currently in a Bible study with some close friends of mine and we are studying Daniel. This Bible study is really fun because I am studying the Bible with some great people and we are studying a book from the old testament. I have had many Bible studies devoting time to a letter of Paul, but I have never had a Bible study devoted to a book in the old testament. I have studied it myself and have read the whole Bible before, but never studied the OT in a group setting. The closest I came was the Covenant study I was involved in senior year of college. We are having a blast as we do it, and I feel challenged from these guys to live a life for the Lord.

Although, I am noticing that my mind is not as sharp as it used to be when dealing with the deep theological issues and understanding of the Bible. I think this is interesting but understood because I don't read as much anymore ever since I bought my house. This reminds me of what Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians,

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

Now I think that Paul here is referring to his actions and keeping his sinful nature in control, but the truth can be applied much broader. If we don't exercise, our muscles will not be in shape when we need to use them. If we don't practice self-control, we will not have self-control. If I do not study and read, my understanding of such things will become dull and useless. I have always been able to experience God through the intellect and contemplation of the deep things of God and life. Recently however, I have not done such and my "muscles" are becoming noticably dull. Now I am not saying they are gone; I don't doubt I could be sharp as a cucumber after reading a few George MacDonald books. I actually did start reading a George MacDonald book to battle my laziness in the intellectual realm. The truth he speaks always cuts straight to the heart of things and challenges me to do the same. This is where truth is found, when one cuts to the heart of things and does not settle with what one understands. God always lies deeper than our deepest understanding of things. There is always something more behind every corner and wall of what we know. This is why it is crucial for me to stay sharp and to always be seeking.

I am still seeking God and truth in my intellectual null, just in a different way. I am seeking God through the means of responsibility and becoming a man. This method is much more difficult to experience and see God, but I must take this road. I have a feeling I will see the meaning of it when the proper time comes, but for now I do not see it clearly and I will follow Him through it. I realized that I am already taking steps to provide for the family that I do not have yet. That is why I bought my house. That is why I bought a fixer upper house (because it is an investment). That is why I concern myself with finances. I want to be able to provide for my future family, and it doesn't hurt to start now. Ha, I think I can see now why I am being led down this road of responsibility and becoming a man. God is preparing me for perhaps a family someday. Duh! Well, that day came much quicker than I thought and I will probably be able to experience God better through the mundane activities of my day. It is for my future family! Ha ha, thanks God :)

I am glad I realized this just now because I was going to say that I have not been seeking God as intensely lately as I have done in the past, but now that I know why I am where I am I will be able to see God in the things I do daily, such as paying bills, and working on my house. Ahh, what a sense of freedom and release. Every nail I hammer is for God and for my future family. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself because I am not sure when these things will come to pass. It may be longer and it may be sooner. That is to be found out as I walk along this road, but I will trust God as I walk it because He is good and he will work all things for the good.

I think now I will be able to challenge Ben about Daniel 10, where I believe it is the angel Gabriel who is stalled from accomplishing his purpose because of the prince of the kingdom of persia. This, a messenger of God, is not allowed to fulfill his purpose because of an evil presence. Interesting how the will can be thwarted. Another topic indeed that I do not have the internet space to address. Ben and I usually are saying similar things as approached from different sides of the fence. We agree on much more than we think, but because we say it differently, the truth is hidden from us. We debate with an honest truth seeking mentallity, which is why it is done in a healthy manner. I never feel bad after speaking with Ben, only encouraged and challenged. I only feel bad when he doesn't see the truth :)

One Love,
Danger